Grown Up-ish

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I don’t know if this is a regular feeling experienced by newlyweds in my similar situation. But it seems to me that whenever I visit my parents’ home, the home that I have lived in ever since we moved to Beirut, I get really confused.

I don’t know how to best describe this feeling, but it really plays on all the mixed up emotions that I have been having during this past year. I have my feet very firmly planted between being a grown-up and still trying to get over my post-college funk.

Then there’s the married part.

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I know where we live now is home and I love it here. I have never felt more comfortable anywhere else. Yet I keep expecting someone to tell me that the time playing house is over and I have to go back home- in this case, my parents’.

I start to wonder who thought I was old enough, responsible enough to handle a household, to take care of myself and someone else. Sure, we’re doing great so far and there have been no complaints or headaches, but there’s always this nagging voice in my head that wonders if I am doing enough.

I think this question haunts us all, no matter at what stage in our lives we happen to be. I think it’s because with all the influx of advice/ opinions, you can’t help but feel incompetent. Like when you sit with your mother’s friend and she starts questioning you about how you cook and why you’re not a fan of leftovers… I never knew there was one standard way to approach something, but then again what do I know?

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