I was supposed to take the weekend off. But a weekend turned into a week, a week into two, and two into a month.
I told myself I deserved a break after doing this writing “thing” for a full year. It wasn’t always a lot of fun and on some days it felt like I was writing just for the sake of not losing my personal challenge.
Many, many times during the past month, I considered shutting down the blog.
Now that the wedding is just one crazy happy memory, what would I find to talk about?
At the time, this blog was great because it allowed me to document all the shenanigans, the people we met, the thoughts that went through my head, the reactions we heard, and most importantly, how our relationship was developing.
It was also great because there weren’t much references for me, as a Lebanese bride-to-be, to look at. Like many before me, I pretty much had to dive in, head-first, into the twisted world of Lebanese weddings: a place where more emphasis is placed on a single night that an entire marriage. So, I started my own thing, hoping people in my situation would get some benefit from this all.
But now I finally feel settled in at home and have my head wrapped around the fact that a few people call me Madame Tala, instead of the Demoiselle I had gotten used to hearing my whole life. Even my official documents are out (after months of tedious paperwork and waiting) and they finally acknowledge the change my relationship status.
But this doesn’t make for good blogging material to be honest.
I’ve never really thought of my life as interesting or exciting- and lately, I haven’t been feeling at my best. Work, to summarize, has been sucking the soul out of me, leaving me with no energy or motivation to pursue the things I love like writing or working out. I’ve gained a lot of weight, failed to keep in touch with family and friends, found myself repeatedly crying at my desk, and shut myself at home under the pretense of studying for an upcoming professional certification- but of course, I barely got through a few chapters.
So I thought about shutting the blog down because who wants to read about a 25 year old grappling with the idea of adulthood and spilling her heart out on the internet? I have always felt like a fish out of water because my posts get a little bit too personal, and a little bit longer, and don’t usually try to capitalize on whatever new controversy is happening in the country.
It was people’s kindness that really got me thinking about writing again for Beyond Beirut. People I had never met messaging me to make sure I was okay and hoping I would get back to writing soon. My best friends and Ahmad brainstorming topics for me to discuss and emphasizing how much this whole activity has helped me feel better about myself.
This has gotten me wondering that maybe I do have more things to say, that giving up on the blog isn’t the best option. After all this is the year I’m supposed to get out of my comfort zone and try new things: new food, new places, new activities, new workout regimens, trying to find my happy place once again.
So why wouldn’t I want to document that?
Beyond Beirut 
Tala,
Reading your post gave me a chill as it almost sounded like I was reading about myself (minus the Lebanese bride part, of course). I’ve gone through the same process, including the unscheduled, longer-than-intended break and the doubts about continuing to blog.
And of course, one day, I found inspiration again and decided to forge ahead. Even now, almost a year into it, I have the occasional second thought. My life isn’t interesting, a lot of my posts are becoming ranty, or about anxiety and depression, etc.
But there’s always someone out there who’s reading and can, quite unexpectedly, connect with what you have to say. For me, that alone makes it worth writing.
I cannot tell you how much I loved your comment- and I agree with everything you had to say. Just knowing that one person is reading and connecting is a huge satisfaction. Your blog remains one of my favorites and I try to read it every chance that I get.
Thanks so much.
Just another reason for me to keep writing. 😊
Welcome back Wifey! wishing you a long and prosperous stay this time 🙂
Thank you habibi! This would not be possible without your endless encouragement and support.
NO! don’t close your blog. I for one enjoying reading what you have to say. It makes me realize there are other people with similar issues when it comes to life and dealing with adulthood. I understand that sometime you don’t want to spill your life issues on the internet for people to read. For that I would suggest keeping a small personal journal to write down what you don’t want to share with the world. I started to do that myself and it help, you know, when you just want to vent. I do hope you continue with your goal in breaking out of your comfort zone and trying new things.
Thank you! I’m happy to say that the blog is here to stay and that I will be sharing my journey of getting out of the comfort zone with all of you. It’s not so much that I don’t want to spill my issues of the internet, but rather that I had the feeling that people didn’t care much for it. I’m glad to be proven wrong.
Welcome back Tala, so glad to be reading one of your posts again, I had been enjoying your blog for such a long time and think of you as a close friend rather than just a random blogger. I can always relate to you, you can not imagine how our lives are so similar. I got married a few months just before you, but I made just one change that really helped me with my life and giving me a break, I actually quit my job at the desk and became a freelancer which i really encourage you to consider, it would make such a big difference 🙂
Keep writing pleaaase!! and goodluck..
Samar! I am incredibly flattered by your lovely comment! Thank you so much for reaching out a few days ago and now, you have no idea how much it meant to me. I’m glad to know you can relate to my posts and have gotten so much enjoyment out of them 🙂 And congratulations on becoming a freelancer, I wish you all the success! Unfortunately for me, in my line of work, it isn’t really an option. But I’m seeking different challenges and hoping things turn out great!
PS: I think we should meet up soon 🙂
G’day, please,please retain your blogging. My wife and I found your writing style interesting, your frankness encouraging and your descriptions of life in Lebanon refreshing.
In one particular blog in which you wrote about the end of Ramadan we were amazed to see in one of your photos, the local Boy Scouts marching in a parade through the city. It brought home to us how much we are all residents of the world. Then there are the great stories and images of your travels with Ahmad. All we know of Lebanon is what we read in the press. Your blogs tells us how it really is such a beautiful country.
We need individuals such as yourself to keep us interested in the outside world from a realistic perspective.
All the very very best and keep those fingers typing away for our enjoyment and education.
I’m very happy to report that this blog will remain active and I will try as much as possible to share even more wonderful stories about this wonderful place I call home- one which as you said, is grossly misrepresented in the press. A huge thanks to you and your wife for all your support and lovely comments, they never fail to put a smile on my face and encourage me to keep going forward!
So good to have you back!!! Don’t give up on this…and you don’t have to post daily, just don’t disappear on us like you did!!! I personally enjoy reading your blog…it’s just honest and everyone can relate to it. Keep it up!!! Glad you are well.
Thank you Chirine! I promise no more disappearing acts. It was just an exhausting time where the blog wasn’t a priority. I’m happy that it has gone back to that- and I’m actually okay with posting daily, it keeps me thinking and brainstorming.
Thank you for reading and I hope you continue to enjoy the posts! 😀