I was supposed to take the weekend off. But a weekend turned into a week, a week into two, and two into a month.
I told myself I deserved a break after doing this writing “thing” for a full year. It wasn’t always a lot of fun and on some days it felt like I was writing just for the sake of not losing my personal challenge.
Many, many times during the past month, I considered shutting down the blog.
Now that the wedding is just one crazy happy memory, what would I find to talk about?
At the time, this blog was great because it allowed me to document all the shenanigans, the people we met, the thoughts that went through my head, the reactions we heard, and most importantly, how our relationship was developing.
It was also great because there weren’t much references for me, as a Lebanese bride-to-be, to look at. Like many before me, I pretty much had to dive in, head-first, into the twisted world of Lebanese weddings: a place where more emphasis is placed on a single night that an entire marriage. So, I started my own thing, hoping people in my situation would get some benefit from this all.
But now I finally feel settled in at home and have my head wrapped around the fact that a few people call me Madame Tala, instead of the Demoiselle I had gotten used to hearing my whole life. Even my official documents are out (after months of tedious paperwork and waiting) and they finally acknowledge the change my relationship status.
But this doesn’t make for good blogging material to be honest.
I’ve never really thought of my life as interesting or exciting- and lately, I haven’t been feeling at my best. Work, to summarize, has been sucking the soul out of me, leaving me with no energy or motivation to pursue the things I love like writing or working out. I’ve gained a lot of weight, failed to keep in touch with family and friends, found myself repeatedly crying at my desk, and shut myself at home under the pretense of studying for an upcoming professional certification- but of course, I barely got through a few chapters.
So I thought about shutting the blog down because who wants to read about a 25 year old grappling with the idea of adulthood and spilling her heart out on the internet? I have always felt like a fish out of water because my posts get a little bit too personal, and a little bit longer, and don’t usually try to capitalize on whatever new controversy is happening in the country.
It was people’s kindness that really got me thinking about writing again for Beyond Beirut. People I had never met messaging me to make sure I was okay and hoping I would get back to writing soon. My best friends and Ahmad brainstorming topics for me to discuss and emphasizing how much this whole activity has helped me feel better about myself.
This has gotten me wondering that maybe I do have more things to say, that giving up on the blog isn’t the best option. After all this is the year I’m supposed to get out of my comfort zone and try new things: new food, new places, new activities, new workout regimens, trying to find my happy place once again.
So why wouldn’t I want to document that?