Nostalgia Sucks

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You tell yourself you’re not going to think about the time you spent abroad, and instead focus on making new memories and not getting fixated on the what-could-have-beens and the could-have-dones.

You avoid looking at pictures of the places you lived and where you went, and while you keep in touch with the people you met back then, you rarely, if ever, bring up the events of past times.

Because, if I’ve learned anything, nostalgia can be a severe bitch. It can alter your mood and leave you in an insane funk for days. It drives you to think about all the missed opportunities and  begs you to ask yourself “if I could go back again, what would I change? What would I do?”

I try to keep myself away from that line of thinking.

But then, a post from an old friend or a picture from an acquaintance or Facebook’s “On This Day” feature pops up, and you can’t help it. You can’t. You just can’t.

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I’ll always have regrets of what I didn’t do during my time in Maastricht. I will always blame myself for getting too caught up in the experience of living alone for the very first time, in a different country, trying to be liked by everyone, while also living to my unrealistic academic expectations. So much so, that I didn’t even get a chance to travel and have fun like I intended.

I lived in Maastricht for a year and yet it remained completely unfamiliar to me. I don’t know why I did this to myself.

And then there’s the other aspect. Of holding onto your memories for too long you start to immortalize them in your mind.

We threw a ton of parties and gatherings, just to entertain ourselves and have fun. I tend to portray them as the best things to have ever happened but maybe that’s just irrational wishful thinking.

And isn’t that what nostalgia is all about? Wishful thinking?

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Spot on the money. Looking back takes time and inevitably produces regrets. Looking forward is fast and produces expectations. It doesn’t matter if they are unachievable, that’s for tomorrow to decide. A lot can happen in 24 hours. Ask any politician.

  2. ninakimani11 says:

    Yes it sucks like hell! I have been a victim and so I get very well what you mean.

    1. TK says:

      I hope you have been able to overcome those moments when nostalgia hits hard and doesn’t seem to want to let go.

      1. ninakimani11 says:

        Yes I always tries to overcome it

  3. finkelstein says:

    It’s so funny immediately recognizing the Dutch landscape! You’re post reminds me to be more mindful and enjoy where I am now. Thank you.

    1. TK says:

      The Dutch landscape is quite something, I agree! I find myself missing those mornings when I would wake up and open my window and see the incredible view I had. Here in Beirut, I get a view of a parking lot. In fact, that will also be the view from my bedroom in my new home! I think I wrote that post to tell myself never to take anything for granted!

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