I spent much of the past year worrying about what kind of wife I would be and if I could manage to improve my relationship with my partner while still maintaining my career goals and life aspirations.
I had the idea of marriage all jumbled up in my head because of all the stories we constantly hear, all the expectations, and all the pressures placed upon those who marry by the nosey society we live in.
I spent most of the year answering questions asked by people I never really cared for because I wanted to prove them wrong: I could be different, we would be different, our home life would contradict all expectations and we would be happy and even more in love.
But even when I showed others how strongly I felt, at home, at night, in bed, there would be many panic attacks (and sometimes blog posts that expressed the severity of those attacks) and I would come to conclude that I would utterly fail.
I am not failing.
There are no more panic attacks, fortunately for my own sanity and for those who know me.
Instead, everyday I challenge myself to overcome my past fears by focusing on the positive aspects. And by coming to an understating that marriage is not one where the woman must tend to the housework and just that. Although I still do feel bad when the house isn’t in order.
That being said, married life is much much more than that to Ahmad and I. It is the ability to share all those little things and all our thoughts without being apart, without having to resort to Whatsapp to communicate, and no need to schedule our time together.
It’s moments similar to this morning, waking up to a freshly made assortment of sandwiches that the husband prepared, that make me wonder why I was ever scared to begin with.
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Sweet, honest & lovely. xxSerena