The past few weeks have been full of milestones for Ahmad and I, most notably that we have been together for three years and married for six months. And even though I am still struck by disbelief by how fast time has gone and how much we have done together, I have to say that this all has been the best period of my life.
Maybe six months is too early to comment on marriage as a whole, but in so many ways it has changed me into a better, happier person. This is especially significant for me because I never considered it as “something for me.”
Here are some of the changes and the things I have learned since we tied the knot on September 24.
I am calmer and more confident
In the lead-up to our wedding, I was struck by several panic attacks that led me to re-consider if I really wanted to go through with this all. I had some pretty bad outbursts based on faulty logic that I was just not ready for all of this, that I couldn’t handle a full time job, a home, and being a good partner.
As time passed, and everything went off without a hitch, I realized that my fears were just that. The wedding went according to plan, the house is in tip-top shape, and I am managing just fine with the responsibilities. I’m happy to say that I haven’t had a single panic attack since we settled in.
I’ve also learned to speak up when I just cannot do something. I don’t have to cook everyday and sometimes it’s perfectly okay to take a long nap after work and cancel all our plans. That doesn’t make me a bad person or a slacker.
There is nothing I want to do more than spend time at home with my husband
Blame movies and social media, but I always had this impression that being in a committed relationship means more chances to go out, more chances to dress up, and doing all sorts of different things together.
The reality is that this doesn’t happen very often, not because we don’t have opportunities, but because we feel more comfortable at home, being together without any disturbances especially after a long and tiring workday. After all, we had our fair share of running around when we were engaged- and going to Starbucks for a cup of coffee doesn’t sound as appealing as it once used to be.
I would be lying if I said I don’t look forward to the end of the workday so I can just go home and see Ahmad. Sometimes we might not have our usual long discussions but it doesn’t really matter. And yes, I’ve turned into a homebody, but what’s wrong with that?
I’ve gained new interests
Living with another person is bound to leave its impact in some way, especially if that person has a variety of interests and topics to discuss. We’ve definitely gotten to a point where we think alike about so many different things, but I’ve also taken on some of his hobbies. Like watching the Serie A (the Italian football league) and knowing a lot more than I should ever about the players, the stats, and the history of all the teams, but especially Inter Milan.
I wonder if Ahmad has picked up on any of my interests, like 90s boybands….
Sometimes, I am still in awe
As we were preparing to head back home from our most recent vacation, I kept saying I couldn’t wait to get back to the familiar comforts of the house. Except the house I was imagining was not ours, but my parents’ one. I guess this has to do with adjusting to being a grown up and having a place to call my own.
I still sometimes think “When are they going to call us and say we’re past the curfew?” or “So, I can be with Ahmad and no one has any objection to it?”
Marriage is what the couple does with it
It’s a well known fact, especially in our society, that people love to talk and will leave no stone un-turned when it comes to giving their unsolicited opinion. If you are married or about to, you have probably heard all the stereotypes and the expectations of how you should “behave” to make your marriage work.
(My favorite one still is that a marriage is incomplete and invalid without children.)
But a marriage comes down to the two people that have formed it- and that’s it. You do not have to conform to a strangers’ idea of matrimony because every single person is different and every relationship functions in its own unique way.
No one has the right to interfere or define something they have no part in.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
I hate when people refer to the early stage of the marriage as the “honeymoon period,” implying that this is fleeting and the newlywed glow and happiness will fade away the longer a couple is together.
Why should it be the case if both partners are discussing what is on their mind and striving to make each other happy? It’s not just limited to speaking. You can tell when your partner is unhappy or uncomfortable by their mannerisms and reactions, so those must be paid attention to.
And also, why does compromising get such a bad reputation? We are taught from an early age that we do not always get what we want, so why should anything change in a relationship?
It is plenty of fun
I get to see my best friend every single day. We do things that we enjoy whenever we want, come up with the silliest jokes at any point in time, cook together, travel, discuss books and articles and our day at work, gossip about the people around us, or even just sit and watch our favorite shows.
I know that I am loved, cared for, and supported (even when I have crazy ideas)
And then at the end of the day we jokingly fight over the duvet (which I admit to hogging most of the times) and fall asleep laughing.
I don’t know about you but that’s exactly my idea of fun.