When A Friendship Disintegrates

In the past, I may have been too quick to label someone as my best friend- I guess because I didn’t have much friends growing up and anyone with whom I seemed to click and trust with my thoughts fit instantly under that category.

I wish I knew then that this would only come to hurt me in the future.

These so-called best friends have now disappeared from my life, not a single word or a communication in over a year. You would think that there was a falling-out or some extreme unfortunate situation that tore us apart.

But it’s not that. One day, we were the best of friends and the next we were complete strangers. I don’t really know why. Maybe this is a part of growing up? No longer getting along with the people we thought knew us the most because they were there at our most critical and most vulnerable moments?

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You’ll say we’re all busy- and I really agree to that. I’ve always been the first to admit that I can get so overwhelmed (and sometimes selfish) in my own life that I don’t have the time to pick up the phone and talk to someone. But I think that anyone can take some time out to write a short congratulatory message on the big life occasions. That one really hurt me more than I thought it would. I mean, complete strangers wrote such kind and loving words you would think we have known each other for years. But they couldn’t find a single second in the many months that have passed to write down a couple of words?

I’ve long since accepted that they don’t want to keep me updated on their whereabouts and their life happenings. That began happening long before the disintegration clearly manifested itself. Looking back, maybe I was the one that did all the talking, while they just sat around, wondering how on Earth did we become friends in the first place. They made every planned meeting a little more difficult to achieve and avoiding any opportunity to share more about themselves.

But a part of me wonders why did I invest so much in friendships that are no longer here. Did I have to get to know these people to know myself better? To know who deserved to be labeled as a best friend and who was just there for a fleeting moment?

And in this day and age where our whole lives are online, it can be pretty hard to digest that these people have gone with their days without you being in it. You see them in different parts of the world, taking pictures with new people, re-using the old jokes that you used to make together, the big smiles on their faces and the changes they’ve made since then.  It’s sort of like when you break up with a boyfriend but you’re still subjected to his doings and whereabouts. You either go offline, block them, or continue doing what you do without a care or concern.

That last one is the hardest. Because you once cared and you were once concerned for that friendship.

But when a friendship disintegrates, it teaches you a golden lesson. It shows you who truly stands by your side, who remembers you for no apparent reason (showing up at your office in the middle of the day just to say hi and give you a hug), who you can go to with your thoughts and concerns, who cares for you just because- what a best friend truly is.

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And those are the people with whom the bonds will never disintegrate.

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. tlizzy says:

    im sure you will find someone who will value your friendship more than the person you are describing x

    1. TK says:

      I’m very fortunate that I have a wonderful group of friends that more than make up for those with whom the relationships have disintegrated 🙂

      1. tlizzy says:

        i am glad to hear. Those are the ones that you need to focus on my dear xx

  2. mterrazas32 says:

    I did my own similar post about this. People that you though you could call friends, but then don’t call or message you with a simple “hello!” The toughest part was that they could keep in contact with other people we both know, but can’t reach out to me. Sound silly, but I just decided to move on.

    1. TK says:

      Yes! the same happened to me with some the people mentioned in this post. They would comment and joke on other mutual friends’ online posts, but can’t bring themselves to say congratulations on getting married. I realized too that it was best to move on.

  3. fadichammas says:

    I can more than relate.
    I’ve been through two such cases of friendship disintegration that stuck with me and always seem to creep up on me from the back of my mind.
    I have tried to reach out and salvage something from these friendships because I greatly valued them and because I can’t live with myself if I don’t try. In both cases it was as if I’m talking to a brick wall, so I have to accept “defeat” and move on, at least I have a clear conscience knowing that I tried, I was honest and I showed I cared.

    1. TK says:

      This is so on point. Unfortunately, with some people, no matter what we do to try and mend things, they’ve long since withdrawn themselves out of the relationship. In the end, they’re the ones that lost out on being your friend and not you- since you cared enough to try!

      Also, we haven’t hosted a game night in ages- once we do, I’ll definitely let you know! Or maybe we should plan a coffee run or something 🙂

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