“So are you hiding something?” asked one coworker a few days ago upon finding out that I had gotten married (a couple of months too late if I may add).
“No,” I replied flat-out. There was no need for further clarification or explanation. I knew exactly what she was talking about and all I wanted to do was get away from that conversation as fast as possible.
I’ve written a lot about not wanting to have children right now. And I’ve told so many people that I don’t feel having a family is such an essential part of my marriage at this very moment. Yet, the comments never stop coming in.
It’s better to have kids when you’re young so you can grow up together.
Your marriage isn’t complete without a baby.
Don’t delay it, you’re not getting any younger.
You don’t know what God has planned for you.
If you want to get on my nerves, tell me that last one. Not because of its religious implications, but because I like to think that I’m doing everything I possibly can to avoid diverting from my plans. I also like thinking that God and I agree that now is a terrible time to bring a child into this world.
I also hate that line because it implies we have no choice or input in our own lives. Any ideas that you may have had in mind are no longer relevant.
It also implies that nothing is greater or more valuable in a person’s journey than becoming a parent, failing to understand that some of just do not get any fulfilment or satisfaction out of even considering these things.
Maybe I’m at fault here: I never clearly stated what my plans are. So to avoid any further comments or confusion, here is what I want to do with my life before I even start thinking about getting pregnant:
- Remodel our insufferable master bathroom
- Travel some more
- Get my certification and get promoted
- Or move on to a less demanding job
- Watch all seasons of Seinfeld and The Wire, as well as all the Star Wars and Lord of the Rings films
- Finish reading Ken Follet’s classic The Pillars of the Earth
- Get to know all of Ahmad’s unique qualities and quirks
- Become fluent in Spanish and German
- Publish any work of writing
- Get better at cooking and baking
- Take up a new hobby, probably one involving my DJ set
- Do whatever I want without having to be tied down to any responsibilities or concern for a tiny human being, no matter what anyone else thinks!