As I was writing yesterday’s post on online dating, I did a lot of thinking about how relationships are conducted and perceived in our part of the world. I came to the obvious realization that there’s a huge clash between the generation I belong to: the one that is more open to meeting people and forming their own relationships, versus our parents’ generation, which still does things a bit more traditionally.
At the heart of this clash is the concept of a good girl. Notice that there’s never a good boy concept, because any man who can meet the minimum requirements (money, house, known family background) becomes a good boy. Unlike the case with women, men are never scrutinized for their every action nor have to present themselves in a certain way to appeal to society.
But with girls, that’s a whole different story.
Good girls don’t actively seek a relationship.
Dating is wrong because it mostly ends with a breakup, and the last thing a good girl should carry is the stigma of being someone’s ex.
A relationship should only lead to one thing, and failure is not it.
A good girl doesn’t get involved with someone if there’s no future for them. That means she should never be with someone from a different sect or community, because those shouldn’t work.
A good girl’s goal should not be to learn from the experiences and grow as a person. That’s just some new age bullshit that girls with no morals or self-respect try to teach other girls.
Because a good girl is no longer a good girl if she’s been with someone that didn’t eventually become her husband, or, at least, fiance.
And even if the good girl does go out on a date, she should not be seen by anyone, for fear that the people around might talk.
Good girls should go to great lengths to hide from any friends of friends, even asking their date to drop them off on the main street, rather than at their front door, lest the neighbors talk.
Because a good girl doesn’t publicize her relationship unless there’s a ring on her finger.
Good girls don’t have close male friendships, because even those can be seen as a threat to the girl’s reputation.
Good girls never have men over, and in fact, are never alone with a man. It is preferable that they always meet as part of a larger group.
Good girls don’t have relationships with men that have not been approved by their family. In fact, it is best if the way the couple met is through their mothers’ making introductions.
A good girl doesn’t pay much attention to her career goals and life aspirations, because those stand in the way of her ultimate job in life: wife, and later, mother.
It is not very encouraging for a woman to have her own ideas because that means she will be neglectful of her homely duties.
It is unfortunate that in this day and age, we still classify women as good or bad based upon the above actions- many of which just don’t fit anymore with the way society works.
It’s a shame that families are more mindful of what other members and the neighbors will say, rather than trusting their daughters and knowing that they raised them well.
I also find it very ironic that we care so much that other people might speak badly of us, while the neighbor’s daughter is in a relationship and doesn’t come home until 2 am everyday.
Let’s also not forget about the double standard. Because even if we were all good girls, we would never be considered as good as a man (though that couldn’t be further from the truth).