Not For Me

Ten days into the new year and I think I’m already failing on one of the more important resolutions I’ve made: get out of my comfort zone. Because if last night was any indication, then I’m just not yet ready to leave the comfort of my home, with my warm blanket and comfortable pyjamas.

I’ve noticed lately that I’ve become too much of a homebody and I don’t enjoy what other people my age like, namely going out for a drink or partying. I don’t like the majority of the music commonly associated with partying, and I don’t drink, so I’ve never really seen the point. The lowest point of the past year was exploding in tears when the girls took me to a Salsa night for my Bachelorette party because I just did not want to be there.

But in the spirit of trying new things, and because I have been feeling down a lot lately, I thought giving it a chance wouldn’t hurt. So we went to one of the country’s newer pubs, which was typically crowded on a Friday night.


I spent the whole evening staring into space or talking to my husband. I didn’t feel comfortable enough striking a conversation with anyone we were sharing the table with. They all seemed to engrossed in their drink orders- and I didn’t feel like we had anything in common.

Anyway, you couldn’t really move around and you couldn’t even talk to the person sitting next to you because of how loud the music was. Thankfully, this time, I didn’t come back home like I had smoked a whole pack of cigarettes, but that’s just the exception and not the rule.

Which begs the question: why would anyone want to go out and not have a conversation? What’s the point of all of this? Because it still doesn’t seem very clear to me.

Getting my drink order wrong also did not convince me that the pub experience is one for me. Especially when I clearly ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail and it came with vodka in it. I sat there wondering why what was supposed to be orange juice so very bitter, until the husband clarified. And someone please explain to me what makes such a drink so special they have to charge 10 dollars for some syrup and juice? No thanks, I have the same ingredients in my fridge.

I would much rather save the money for a nice dinner where I could talk to whoever we happened to be going out with.

My only consolation was that the music was good for a change. When the DJ plays Wonderwall and Layla, you cannot help but sing along, and those are two of my favorite songs, so it was great to hear them again.

So I came out of this experience more confused than I had when I went in: I want to do what everyone else is doing for fun, except I don’t like it and I don’t fit in. I want to go out and try new things but it seems to me that a lot of these experiences involve partying and drinking, or at least are made out to be. Sure, there are board game nights, concerts or performances, and dinners, but they no longer feel new to me.

Ahmad tells me I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, that it’s okay to not like what everyone else does, that I place a lot of expectations on a single event, and that I should continue looking for the things I enjoy.

So what’s a girl to do to start feeling more her age and less like she is missing out?


4 Comments Add yours

  1. mterrazas32 says:

    I went through a similar phase when I was in college and I think it just trail and error. Trying new place and new things and seeing what you like. Am just like you, I don’t drink and really don’t see the point in drinking. I think people think if you don’t drink, you don’t like socializing, but I love to socialize and talk to people. I would write a list of things you like to do and brings you out of your shell. Do you like art? Maybe there a place that offers different art lessons. maybe a book club?

    1. TK says:

      Thank you for the helpful suggestions. And I agree that people think you’re not social just because you don’t drink. I’ve spent many evenings with groups of people asking me why I don’t, then trying to convince me that it isn’t so bad and I should try just for the sake of us being out. It never works.

      I guess my problem is that my hobbies are very solitary: I enjoy reading, writing, cooking, and listening to music. All which I could do at home and don’t feel like it is worth spending money on outside. But maybe that’s the only way to get out of the shell.

  2. artman413 says:

    I’m in a similar situation right now. I don’t like what the majority of the people here like, and I have no idea how to find people with similar interests. Now, I do drink, but I’d rather do that at home with a group of friends than in a noisy, smoky pub. It’s just finding those friends that’s the problem…

    1. TK says:

      It’s really, really hard. I guess the best way to get to know friends of friends and maybe they can become part of your social circle? Maybe online groups or communities based upon your interests?

      As another note: I really don’t understand the “pub culture” and have never found it fun, even if I were to drink…

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