I understand that I cannot change society single-handedly and I understand that there are so many things that are deeply ingrained in our thoughts that it is just really difficult to stand up and say “No, this is not the way I want to go.”
For the past year, especially at work, I have struggled with complete strangers, some well-meaning and others definitely not, commenting on my life choices and trying to guide me on how to conform with their expectations. Which don’t exactly fit with how my partner and I see ourselves or our relationship.
I thought it would go away after we got married. I even stopped having small-talk with the majority of people around me just to avoid things from ever starting.
Until I wished someone a Happy New Year, and he went on and on about he hopes to see me carrying “something” in the new year. When I joked that he probably means I’ll still be carrying my file of papers, running around to get my work done, he explicitly pointed out that he meant that I should be having children in this new year.
His logic? If there are no kids after one year of marriage, the couple will get bored of one another, and as a consequence, their relationship will begin to crumble.
I’m sorry but where did you get that information from? Is this being published in some Lebanese version of Cosmo? Because as far as I know, there are many reasons why a relationship may fall apart, but because they didn’t have kids by an arbitrary deadline?
Why can’t we leave it up to the couple to decide?
Because really, do we need more pressure when it comes to dating and love and relationships? I really cannot stand behind the reasoning that two people are supposed to get married and they’re supposed to have children because that’s what society says they should do. If you’re going to talk to me about marital happiness, then shouldn’t you be more concerned about the couple forced into a timeline they don’t see for themselves?
Why can’t the ultimate reason people get married be that they actually love each other and want to be together?
What if these people are not ready, neither emotionally or financially, to bring a child into a world? As a bystander, it is easy to wish someone else children, because they have to take none of the burden and the hard work that goes into it.
Yes, children are a blessing and they are wonderful, but some of us just want to enjoy every day as it comes, without the pressures of raising a human being. Some of us just want to focus on discovering what they love and what kind of person they are, even if they’re married.
Once again, I cannot stop people from saying things, even if they are things I don’t want to hear. I just wish they would respect my point of view as I respect theirs.
7 Comments Add yours
I can totally relate to this! I have been struggling with everyone around me telling us every single time they see us, that we should be having kids by now (we have been married for 5 years) and I am actually tired of hearing all the problems we will have in our marriage if we didn’t reproduce. Why can’t people just be happy for us, just the way we are?
5 years and no kids?! Wow, that’s an anomaly by Lebanese standards! 😛
On the contrary, it’s great that you’re doing what you want and deciding on what works best for your family and relationship. I feel like we should throw out the handbook that says we should be having kids 9 months after the wedding!
It will never be the case when people will be happy for us just the way we are. Maybe they’re jealous?
Don’t worry about what they have to say!!!! Just enjoy being together and getting to know each other as husband and wife. Do crazy things together…things you won’t be able to do as easily when or if you do decide to have kids. You barely have been married and you are so young…you have all the time in the world. When the time is right, it is right regardless what people are telling you now!
I love your advice Chirine and it’s definitely how we see things. I don’t understand why our culture is so insistent on this unrealistic timeline that takes out one of the best things about being married.
Though I am nowhere near this yet, but THANK YOU!
Thanks for reading!