A huge reason why I have not been okay with myself lately is due to my inability to stay awake past 11 PM. If I’m still up past that time, something is very, very wrong. Because on normal days, this is when I would have become fast asleep, unaware of anything going around me.
I tend to attribute my tendency to sleep early with the fact that I cannot get anything done. After all, by the time the food has been served, the chores have been done, and the couple of TV shows have been caught up on, and the daily post has been written, it is time to go to sleep and re-energize for a new, long day ahead. This leaves no time to pick up a new book or catch up with friends- or try out a new hobby even.
Not that I was ever a night owl. I have always been the kind of person who loves mornings, requiring little help when I’m straight out of bed to talk to people. I’ve always tended to dwindle down by the time the evening hits, a stark contrast to my sister who really gets going around 6 PM.
But being a student (both during my Bachelors and Masters) allowed me to push myself further, sometimes staying up to dawn to finish the thing I had set out to do for myself.
In fact, I still remember one incident in graduate school when one of my roommates was returning from a party at 6 AM, while I was studying for a class, my third or fourth cup of coffee in hand.
It’s fairly telling when not even the strongest cup of coffee can keep me awake. Maybe I have become immune from all those years spent drinking it just before bed time.
I don’t want to stay up till 6 AM- not even during the holidays. I know that I no longer have the stamina or the urgent need to do this. But I just can’t wrap my head around getting my whole day structured without feeling like I’m cutting corners or giving into this constant sense of exhaustion that plagues me all day.
I’m caught in this endless loop: to be able to preform better at work, I need to have slept, but sleeping more means that I just
On the flip side, I know I am sleeping better. I don’t toss and turn around much anymore or keep myself up thinking about all the random things in the universe like I used to. Maybe it’s the fact that I finally have sleeping quarters designed to suit my favorite sand habits. Or maybe because the bed is new and the mattress isn’t a recipe for instant backaches.
NB: This post was written as a response to the prompt “Because the Night” featured on The Daily Post.
Beyond Beirut 