We just sent our wedding invitations to the printers. They’d been almost ready for a few weeks thanks to all the hard work that our awesome designer, Dina, put into them- but up until this past weekend, they were missing one important detail.
The liste du marriage. The wedding registry, the wedding list, the n’oout. Call it whatever you want.
I think it’s cool that people who care for the soon-to-be married couple would want to financially contribute in some way. Any gift is very much appreciated, fully knowing that it’s the thought that counts.
But then there’s the whole liste du marriage. It can take several forms and shapes but the current trends are either opening a bank account where the invitees can deposit whatever amount they wish or setting up a list at some store like Khoury Home or ABC to help the couple complete the items they need for the house.
Either way, this information is almost always present on the invitation because it guides people. You don’t want to end up with four different toasters when you’ll use none. I’m not saying it doesn’t have its benefits.
It also sets this sort of expectation that you have to contribute in exchange for your meal. It’s indirectly saying that you’re paying an “admission fee.”
There’s so much pressure when it comes to this that imagine going to a wedding where you haven’t given a gift, or given enough of an amount. How would you feel? I’d feel guilty honestly.
I shouldn’t, but I do. It’s not really nice.
From the couple’s side though, things can start to get ugly. I’ve heard of people who have waited until their bank account was full or their list was completed before they even got a single item for their home. It’s always nice to have the extra money to do things with, but depending on it to establish your home?
That’s not what marriage is about. Unless I’ve gotten things wrong.
As for us, we really hesitated on this subject. It’s been a topic of intense debate for Ahmad and I, where we have insisted that we don’t need anyone’s help to get the essentials for the apartment, though it is appreciated. We know that people care for us but we don’t want them to go out of their way.
We couldn’t really come to a decision about what to do despite all the discussions we had with our families. In the end, we sort of relented, opened a joint account, an included the details on the invitations.
Not because we need the money and not because we want people to pay for their invitation, but because sometimes it’s really hard to break with tradition. And the liste has become a sort of tradition, one that’s an integral part of the wedding.
Plus, I don’t want to have to answer questions about why we didn’t have one. I go through enough questioning every single day.