I’m not one to take a backseat, that I’ll be the first to admit.
If we find ourselves in a social gathering, I always feel the need to contribute to the conversation and to be an active part in the discussion. It’s simply not who I am to sit around and not even weigh in with 1% and because of that, my biggest fear is to be in a group and have nothing to say. It’s also the reason I read so much: so that I can always have something meaningful to say.
Of course, I’m not saying I talk for talking’s sake- but I always want to feel like I am an active part of society and that my opinions and thoughts matter and deserve to be heard just as much as the other person.
This can prove to be challenging when you’re in a committed relationship for two reasons: 1. How do you not lose your identity when you’re one half of this whole relationship? and 2. How do you manage to be yourself without overshadowing your partner?
If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know that those two questions are also some of my biggest relationship fears and I haven’t been able to really tackle them.
That issued presented itself yesterday night when we were attending an Iftar held by the company Ahmad works for. As the future Mrs., the invitation was extended to me and I was more than happy to oblige.
Even though I knew this was all about Ahmad and I was there to be supportive and loving, I was slightly worried his coworkers would see me as just the fiancee. I also didn’t want to be the person who sat there clinging onto her partner and gazing around the room like I didn’t want to be there like I’ve seen so many people do at such events.
And yet, I took the backseat and I stopped myself from overthinking how it would all go and where I could fit myself in. Maybe because I’m learning how to be a better partner?
I focused on eating and smiling so much that I was the last one on our table who still had food in front of her. I tried to socialize with the partners of his co-workers and I tried to join in when the teasing involved Ahmad (without embarrassing him) and it seemed to go really well.
Later in the evening, I discovered that a good chunk of his company has been involved in the house furnishing process, as they were asking us how far we’d come along and weighing in with advice that didn’t feel unwanted or out of reach. Even the General Manager himself actually apologized to me in case the work was distracting my fiance from helping with the process- and he wasn’t joking.
I don’t know about you, but I found that completely endearing.
It’s always great to feel that you’re a part of something, even if it’s indirectly. And it’s always great to feel that your fears are unfounded.