The Guest List Revisited

When we started planning the wedding, I put my foot down and announced that I wanted to do things differently.

I wanted a small wedding of no more than 100 or people.

I wanted the average age of the invitees to be closer to mine and Ahmad’s so that our wedding could be fun and full of people dancing and having fun, and enjoying all the new ideas we had in mind.
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I thought I had made my point loud and clear and that everyone was in agreement that this is my wedding and I should do what makes me happy.

What I didn’t expect was for my mother, who kept insisting we should have an even smaller wedding to keep costs down, to raise the issue of inviting her own cousins to my wedding.

A little bit of background information. I only have 7 cousins from both sides of the family. Seven is not much in Lebanon, where families are known to be huge. I’m not super close to them but I love them and they are family. It would just seem very wrong not to have them there.

On the other hand, I have lost count of how many cousins my mother has. She has a close knit relationship with the majority of them, which is something I respect a lot and wish I had with my own ones.

I’ve known them my whole life, they’re the closest things to aunties I have. There have been plenty of occasions where I’ve joined them in family sittings and brunches and laughed alonged with them. I’ve always described them as entertaining and sweet.

But are they significant enough to be at my wedding? I say no and my mother says yes.

I tried to compromise with her. I suggested she invite one cousin to represent the branch of the family she comes from. I thought that was nice, in addition to the same people who were there at our engagement.
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And for a while, I thought it was going to work. Until she said, why not invite my cousins in place of people that can’t show up? I wasn’t a huge fan of this idea because it felt like she was counting on people to cancel- not the approach I want for the wedding at all.

So we started sending out Save the Dates and it was really reassuring to know that the majority of the people are able to come. We told my mother that and I could sense the disappointment. She was truly counting on people cancelling.

And thus the irony. Now I keep hearing, you must invite my cousins, six people in total, I spend all my time with them. I want to make her happy so I say okay- the answer she wants to hear.

Except apparently it’s not because she starts talking about how we are going over the budget. I don’t know what to do anymore…

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