Salesladies love to point out the obvious: that I’m not exactly model thin, which is what I should aspire to become because how else should I be a functional member of society if I don’t fit into a size 36?
These very salesladies are the very first people to point out that maybe I should lose weight to be able to fit in the dresses they’re selling. Like I shared previously, one woman shared the story of a customer who had lost 25 kilograms in a couple of months, probably in the hope to motivate me to shed some before the wedding.
But what they don’t know, is that I’ve been struggling with my weight almost my whole adult life and their comments only serve to hurt more than to improve. I’m not overweight or fat, but I’ll never be thin.
In July 2012, I returned from graduate school at my peak weight point. I was unrecognizable to some people because I truly had let myself go by not watching what I was eating, not working out, and not having a fixed schedule for my meals. What hurt especially was the candy habit that I developed: whenever I was sad or homesick, I would go to the supermarket and buy candy and eat it all in one sitting.
It made me happy, but it didn’t end well. Nothing fit me and I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin.
So in September of that year, after I was done with travelling for the summer, I joined a gym- and haven’t left it since then. It’s been two and a half years and I haven’t looked back.
I had never truly dedicated myself to an exercise program before- in fact, I was sports-phobic! But slowly, slowly, I began building a repertoire of moves to help with cardio and strength and the weight started coming off.
But it also started coming back on, then off, then on, then off, then I just stabilized even though I was pushing myself hard. I didn’t (and haven’t) make major changes to my food, so maybe that’s why.
I also started skipping more often. At first, I used to go every day, but I was unemployed then. Then 5 days a week, then 4, then I got engaged and there were weeks when I was lucky to even go once. And it didn’t end well.
That’s not to say I give up. Thanks especially to the amazing Nike Training Club app that I can’t live without. I could write a full post about how much I love the NTC app and what a difference it makes in my life!
Which is why it truly pisses me off when I go to shops, and all they have on display are dresses in a size 36! I mean, I can’t even put on leg in it, let alone imagine how it looks on me, to be able to buy it!
I also can’t stand people who hint at things: just say what you have to say and let it be!
As I’ve learned throughout this struggle, I can’t really lose the weight unless I really want to- and I sure as hell won’t be motivated by a middle-aged chain-smoking lady who sits in a shop all day and who is trying to sell me a dress I don’t really like all that much.