I never imagined a few years ago that I’d complain about the difficulty of making friends. It seemed at some point I had more people in my life than I had time for because socialization just came really easy to me.
But ever since I’ve started working full-time, I haven’t had time for anyone or anything. People have come and gone and my friend’s group has been reduced to less than a dozen.
I know what people say about only keeping those that truly matter in your life as you grow older, but the idea isn’t sitting really well with me. As more people travel or move on or find their partners, I feel our friendships becoming strained or changed or at some points non-existent (until I realize at some point that I haven’t talked to someone in a bunch of years).
This stung particularly bad when I was doing my half of the wedding guest list and found that it barely matched up to Ahmad’s. If I didn’t know them all, I would worry that I was going to be a stranger at my own wedding. Again, I know it’s not the number but the quality but there’s just this feeling that something is off.
One fact I am refusing to wrap my head around is how difficult it is to make friends once you’re working.
Honestly, I have no desire to meet someone at work: everyone is either a lot older, has different priorities, works a different shift, or generally has nothing in common with me. It doesn’t help that I constantly feel like people are waiting on my every move to further drive me away from this environment. I tried for a while until I thought, maybe it’s best to just not try anymore.
But have I truly become that kind of person whose life revolves around work then comes back home, plops down on the bed, and refuses to do anything else? Maybe I have. I have barely any energy left in me anymore. I can’t even get past a few episodes of New Girl without falling asleep, let alone have a conversation that’s not about weddings and home planning.
And I’m told, it only gets harder from here. The older you get, the more your friends move on. A lot start having families of their own and that’s when you know they’re not your “friends” anymore.
I still can’t wrap my head around that.
So what should I do to feel like less of the loner that I currently feel like? I’ve tried to further my hobbies and interests, but it just doesn’t feel like the people I’m meeting there are ones that I can just call up randomly and ask them to join for a cup of coffee.
I don’t know- and it’s bringing me down.