One conversation I still remember from my school days is sitting around with my classmates and trying to predict when each of us would get married.
I can still remember, me being my crazy self and all my wild ideas, that I loudly proclaimed I wanted to wait till I was at least 28. Classmates scoffed at me and said I was delusional. I think we were 13 at the time?
Flash forward to today.
The countdown to the wedding has started and I’ve been engaged for just under a year. I am, as you know from this blog by now, 24 years old.
It’s just that getting married was never something I seriously considered for myself before my mid to late-twenties.
I always knew what I wanted to do professionally and that I wanted to live abroad for a while. I knew that I wanted to travel as much as possible and I wanted to write.
But getting married? Last thing on my mind.
Even though society might think that having finished my studies (both undergraduate and graduate) and gotten a job, it would only be the natural step, it wasn’t for me.
I always felt like getting married would restrict my freedom and take away from my individuality, that I would be held back from what I wanted and that first and foremost I would have to be a wife- not a person who just happened to be married.
I guess that perception needed the right person to come along and change it.
Happily, I don’t feel that way anymore but I’ll be the first to tell you that the change was hard.
I resisted the idea of being engaged so many times: from the moment we started discussing it up until things with the house started taking shape.
My resistance led me to freak out at many moments when things weren’t going my way and there’s only so much my fiance could endure, despite his patience.
I give him a lot of credit for being as understanding as he is, knowing that this was a huge change for me- that I always wanted to be with him, but the process was (and is) scary.
A lot of my fears have to do with society and the expectations from a wife. Everything I have heard, my whole life, has been about how it’s important for the woman to keep her home tidy and cook and raise children.
That I could do all of that and be able to be successful at work and lead a good social life and travel the world, not alone but with my partner, and always have him as my support system was never strongly emphasized.
That it’s not just about him, it’s about us as a couple and how we can become better versions of ourselves for one another.
I also hate that little girls dream about their wedding days but not about their marriages.
These little girls grow up dreaming about the dress and the venue and the flowers but they don’t know that they should dream about happiness with their husbands for the rest of their lives.
I might be critical of weddings and planning, not because I dislike them (I really don’t) but because I hate how all the expectations are based on them.
Feeling bridal does not have to mean that one night of your life, it has to mean your whole lifetime with that person. It should never be about the dress but about the home.
Yesterday when we went to rearrange some of the furniture in our house in preparation for some more installations, I felt elated and I felt “bridal.” I guess just seeing things taking shape there, seeing all our energy and efforts coming together made me think, “what the hell was I worried about all this time?”
And I still have a huge smile on my face.
Yes, I’m getting married.